SEARCHING FOR HAPPINESS

I have been waiting for more than a month,,to feel good so that I can write a happy article..The wait to be happy is still going on..finally I have settled down to write about my life..

From the past so many days, I have been asking myself a question-

'what is actully important in life?'

Is it money..or is it good status..

Or a good degree and a good job..

Family? Friends?Profession? Relationship? Marriage

Now I have found my answer..Its HAPPINESS..!!

I have reached where I wanted to be from childhood. I always wanted to become a doctor. I would always fantasize myself wearing a white apron, working in a good hospital, getting respect by people and calling myself Dr Teena Nanda..!

But the sad truth is.. I am now being wondering was it all worth? Coz I am not happy at all..

Was it worth staying away from family for 5 years facing so many troubles..!

Was it worth missing so many family function and parties for studies..missing movies and outings for projects and practicals..!

I gave away my most of pocket money for Dental materials, skipping my shopping for clothes and acessories..

When all other girls around me were busy dressing themselves up, trying out fashionable clothes..makups..jewellary,, I was the one scratching my head full of tensions for my projects, tests, studies, files, discussions,seminars!

Was it worth studying late nights and getting my eyes weaker, wearing thicker glasses than before..!

The sad reality is people don’t realize your hard work untill and unless you show them your handsome salary which proves it!!

I feel like everything has just eloped!!

Like there is lots of silence after so much of lightenings and thunder,storms..

There is a complete lull..a phase of complete darkness..

I feel lonely without friends..I miss my college life..my hostel days..those carefree days.. No responsibilities, no tensions apart from studies..

But now..this life is not so good..Now the rose tinted glass around me has broken into pieces to face the world..

Its called PROFESSIONAL LIFE..and I have to get used to it..

Its not so glittering as it seems from outside..

You have to go to work wearing good clothes and a confident smile on your face no matter how you feel..

The only people you have are the patients.. sad ones..crying in pain..treat them and feel good..thats all!

Life is becoming so busy that we don’t have time for friends..no chit chats..no movies..no gehris..no long talks on phones..

You just have to behave like a robot..like a moron..No matter what, just keep doing the same things everyday, wearing a plastic smile hiding all your real emotions..like you are programmed..!

Its not that I am used to friends and masti all the time..No No.. But I am not used to feel alone.. I am not used to feel like a moron..Not used to keep my things to myself..!

Yes I am a Dentist..and I have a good job.. People do respect me..

But there is something inside me which is burning..

I feel myself like a candle..Showing spark and light, but actually melting down and hurting myself..

I feel like a wanderer..losing everything..losing myself..!!

Dear God, if life is so tough,,then I don’t wanna grow up.. These all things are just not worth.. Please  return my happy days back again..Return my old time back..That time, when I was reallyyyy happyy..

This is not the life that I always wished for..and have struggled for..!!

Seriously..I just wanna be HAPPY..i just want a REAL SMILE on my face..Thats it..!!!! Am I asking too much..??!! :(